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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29747856">Flickering</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AWildUsername/pseuds/AWildUsername'>AWildUsername</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Conventions, Gay Potatoes, I dont know how to tag, M/M, One Shot, Post-Relationship, Reconciliation, lads</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:14:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,449</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29747856</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AWildUsername/pseuds/AWildUsername</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin and Sean were seeing each other for a while. Sean wanted more and to go public. Kevin was hesitant and things went south. They haven't spoken since.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kevin O'Reilly &amp; Sean McLoughlin, Sean McLoughlin/Kevin O'Reilly</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Flickering</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I have never actually posted fanfic before but this ship is sorely lacking.<br/>As usual, this is not intended for anyone mentioned in the fic or anyone who knows them. Keep fics away from the subjects and/or their friends. This was intended mostly as writing enjoyment for me and a friend.<br/>If this gets anywhere near Kevin or Sean it will be deleted. Thanks and enjoy :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span class="u">Prologue</span>
</p><p>
  <em>Kev, I want to make us official, go public.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Really?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What do you mean, ‘really.’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Just a bit fast, isn’t it?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I didn’t think so.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I suppose.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You don’t think you’re ready?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I don’t know.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>How do you not know?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just like things how they are. Thought you did too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I do, and we don’t have to change, really. But what’s next? Can’t do this forever.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Yeah, didn’t say that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Well, then, what do we do?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I just thought we’d carry on a bit.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That’s not a plan, Kevin.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Why does there have to be a plan?</em>
</p><p>
  <em> <strong>…</strong> </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sean??</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Need a plan to be able plan your life with someone. But maybe I was wrong thinking we were doing that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No, I just, thought it was more—casual—planning.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Casual?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Didn’t mean it like that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So, what’s the timeframe until you think you want to actually be together.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I didn’t say that. I don’t know!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I need something to work with here, Kev.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That’s not fair. You can’t give me a backwards ultimatum.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nothing about this is fair, Kevin. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>[Later]</p><p>Sean stands, hands in his pockets, voice rough from raised voices and tears sitting in his throat. Now though he says, calmly,</p><p>“I feel like if you don’t want to move forward, you don’t want to be with me.”</p><p>Kevin, sitting head in his hands, looks up, teary eyed, He opens his mouth, but can’t figure out what to say. Looks agonised.</p><p>Sean watches him a long moment, looks off to the side, anguished, and swallows, nodding to himself.</p><p> </p><p>/////////////////////////////////////////////// </p><p>Kevin breathes deeply, as he walks in the open door of the restaurant, into the cooler, air-conditioned space. The noisy crowds on the streets outside fade as he presses in. He asks for a booth and throws himself into the far side of it, letting himself breathe deeply. </p><p>He had a great day at the convention, but he is exhausted. The adrenaline of flying, lack of sleep, and the enjoyment of the convention starting, finally, to wear off. He is looking forward to eating, perhaps having a drink or two. Rubs at his eyes and looks around, gazing out the window, watches the clusters of people outside with a far-off stare. </p><p>The server comes by with a smile and a glass of water and asks if he wants to wait and he nods and says he’s waiting on someone. She smiles prettily at him and asks about his accent and he tells her, good-naturedly, he’s Irish. <em>In town for work,</em> he says. She <em>oohs </em>a bit and tells him to let him know if he needs anything. He watches after her a moment then blinks down at his phone, seeing if he has any missed messages. Dan is supposed to meet him here. </p><p>The server reappears with a basket of bread for the table and says, “while you wait” and Kevin is either tired or did she just wink at him as she walked away. Kevin is just biting into a piece of bread when Dan appears a few moments later.</p><p>Kevin grins at his friend who says, “look who I brought” while sliding in next to him. Daithi shuffles into view with a “hallo, hallo,” dropping himself across the table. They greet each other all warmly, as if it hadn’t been some months since they had seen each other in person, Kevin and Daithi exchanging pats on the backs.</p><p>The server reappears now that there’s more of them, and Kevin notices her eyebrows move up her forehead a bit as the others start placing their drink orders. Orders himself a Jack and Coke, unable to decide on anything else.</p><p>“How’s it going man?” Dan asks, as the server leaves with a bemused expression.</p><p>“Ah grand, you know. Bit tired.” They proceed to swap stories from their convention day and their schedules.</p><p>“And why is there nowhere decent to eat near the convention center?” Daithi is exclaiming. “Had to walk 20 minutes to find something edible. And this city is confusing as sin.”</p><p>Dan cuts him off slightly, “Sean’s just finishing up as well. I’ll invite him too, shall I?” He is already messaging back, the question meant to be almost rhetorical. Daithi is grunting in general agreement and pulling a piece of bread from the center basket.</p><p>Kevin feels himself flush. “Oh, uh, Sean’s coming?”</p><p>Dan looks up, “Well, I don’t know yet, but he said he didn’t have dinner plans.” Looks at Kevin a little funny. “That ok?”</p><p>Kevin nods and quickly shoves some bread in his mouth to keep from having to say anything. The bread isn’t as good as Irish bread, he thinks.</p><p>Kevin’s mind begins to race back to the last time he saw Sean: the things they said to each other. Dan and Daithi have drifted into a conversation about a panel they had each thought was interesting. Kevin is having trouble focusing and is considering excusing himself to the bathroom and never coming back out.</p><p>The server walks over just then, with a cheery, “Here we are!” She sets each of the drinks in front of them and is asking if they’re ready to order.</p><p>However, just then Dan waves over Daithi’s shoulder, and Kevin feels his stomach plummet. He busies himself behind his menu. The server looks over too and says, “I’ll come back.”</p><p>Then Sean’s at the end of the table and Kevin wants to slide onto the floor. “How’re ye lads! How’s it going?”</p><p>Dan half stands to clap him on the back. “Ah, sure grand, Sean, how’re ya?”</p><p>Kevin can’t help but notice Sean seems to fumble at the sight of him. Kevin can’t decide if he’s mollified that it seems he didn’t know he would be there either or not. Would he have come? Kevin stuffs another piece of bread in his mouth.</p><p>Sean turns to clap Daithi on the back and greet him. Kevin becomes very self-aware he hasn’t spoken, clears his throat lightly.</p><p>“Hey Sean.”</p><p>“Hi Kevin.”</p><p>There’s a beat, and Kevin is pretty sure he sees Daithi and Dan exchange raised eyebrows. Daithi points. “Well, this is awkward.”</p><p>Kevin disappears back behind his menu, “Not sure what you mean.”</p><p>Sean speaks at the same time, “Well <em>now </em>it is Daithi, thanks.” He rolls his eyes. “Now budge up there, would you?” He gestures to Daithi to move in.</p><p>Daithi doesn’t move. “Well, see, I prefer the aisle?” He says it like a question.</p><p>Sean deadpans at him. “You’re serious?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Sean sighs and gestures, “Alright, well, shift so I can sit, then.”</p><p>And then Sean is sitting directly across from him instead of at a safe diagonal like he should have been and Kevin is seething at Daithi in his head. He keeps his eyes on his menu, feigning nonchalance. “What am I hungry for?”</p><p>“Chicken.”</p><p>Kevin glances over to Sean, who is already looking down at his menu. The reply had been quick, didn’t seem much in the way of a suggestion, and tinged on the side of insult, but Sean isn’t looking at him. Surely Sean wouldn’t bring this up here.</p><p>Dan’s brow is furrowed and is trying to start a conversation about their flights over and Daithi is loudly wondering at what is so wrong with a little more salt in bread— “add some <em>flavor</em>” he’s saying. Kevin is just trying to get his heart rate under control.</p><p>Sean places his menu down and scrubs both hands across his face. “Sorry lads. Bit out of it. Must be the jet lag catching up.”</p><p>“Ah, sure you’re grand Sean. I think we’re all a bit knackered.”</p><p>“I’m fine.” Daithi is ripping the paper off one end of his straw and aiming it at each lad in turn.</p><p>“Well sure, for your brain it’s middle of the afternoon. Ours all think it’s midnight,” says Sean, preparing his own straw.</p><p>“Now lads,” Dan begins, a warning in his voice.</p><p>Daithi’s straw wrapper flies and smacks Kevin in the forehead. Kevin looks up frowning, not actually upset, but more annoyed by how uncomfortable he is in the whole situation. He <em>is</em> jet lagged, hungry, and now having to deal with Sean, closer to him than he’d been in months.</p><p>Daithi roars with laughter and Dan is begging him to keep it down.</p><p>“What did <em>I</em> do?” Kevin demands, a little whiny.</p><p>He hears Sean snort, a bit rudely he thinks, but Daithi and Dan are still distracted.</p><p>The server approaches, asking if they are ready to order, only having to stop Daithi once to repeat himself. Once food orders are in, and a drink order for Sean, general chat starts back up, asking after each other’s loved ones, day to day and how things were generally getting on.</p><p>Kevin had lost his menu after ordering, but he sticks his drink in his face and swivels his body towards the other two. It’s more open, more inviting, he tells himself, to face the group. Plus, with the drink at his mouth he doesn’t have to say much. He just nods in agreement and hopes it seems in keeping with his group behavior.</p><p>Daithi is telling an overly animated story, about a horrible parking situation he had found himself in, his hands gesturing wildly. Dan is gasping and laughing at all the right parts and Sean is chuckling along. Kevin is just trying to focus.</p><p>“And you’ll not believe what the guy did then—” Daithi is gesturing wide, and Sean slides a bit in his seat to avoid him, and his knee knocks Kevin’s. Kevin jolts.</p><p>“S-sorry,” Kevin stammers, watching Sean as he sits back up, expression closed off and unchanging, Dan and Daithi looking on in interest.</p><p>“Are you, now?” Sean says half under his breath. Refocusing on Daithi, “What did the guy do, Daithi?”</p><p>“Did I miss something,” Daithi says bluntly, ignoring Sean’s question and watching Kevin, who’s trying to hide his blush behind a gulp of his drink.</p><p>“Nah, that never happens,” Sean says, taking a piece of bread. Kevin doesn’t understand how he can answer Daithi with the same sarcasm he normally would. Surely Daithi isn’t that thick…</p><p>“I dunno,” Daithi sing-songed, still watching Kevin. “Kevin, what’s the matter with ya?”</p><p>Kevin opens his mouth to respond as Dan says, “Ah, Daithi, leave him alone. It’s been a long day.” And just then their food is brought out.</p><p>The food is an excellent distraction, and seems to bolster everyone’s moods at least marginally. They manage to get through the meal without further incident. Kevin is trying to keep to himself and keep hostilities low, Sean cool and indifferent, but engaging with the others, Dan and Daithi occasionally still exchanging glances.</p><p>.</p><p>The server is clearing their dishes and Daithi is draining his glass. Daithi belches and says, “Bathroom,” unceremoniously, getting up.</p><p>Sean slides slightly toward Daithi’s vacated spot for the space. Dan is saying something about the next day’s events to Kevin, who is trying to pay attention, but suddenly his vision is filled with the fact their server is leaning easily toward Sean at the end of the table and Sean is smiling that winning smile of his. Kevin can’t quite tell what they’re saying. He thinks he hears, <em>been here before</em>, and it feels like his vision goes a bit black at the edges. That’s flirting is what it is.</p><p>Dan seems to have given up on conversation. “I’m gonna head to the bathroom as well. Grab the check if yous are ready to head out, yeah?” He excuses himself past the server, who smiles and finishes loading her tray, walking away.</p><p>They sit awkwardly, Kevin still has his glass, drains the final sip, starts rolling the empty glass between his hands. Sean is staring out into the restaurant. </p><p>Kevin feels the need to break the silence rise, wills himself not to make a joke. “I didn’t know you would be here.”</p><p>Sean glances at him. “Or you’d what? Have run out?” The question is a bit more bitter sounding than he wanted it, but he looks Kevin full in the face.</p><p>Kevin opens his mouth to respond, then closes it. He knows what Sean means by that, but the truth is, he probably would have made an excuse to flee, if he’d known Sean was invited with enough notice.</p><p>Kevin feels the silence grow again. “Still,” he begins, “drinks were better than that place last year—” He can feel the urge to groan at himself. He can’t believe he just tried to joke about when they were… whatever they were. Happy, maybe, is the right word.</p><p>Sean’s frowning at him, “Kevin, don’t.”</p><p>Kevin nods, “Right.”</p><p>They fall into an uneasy silence that stretches. Kevin fights the urge to pull out his phone and use his roaming service to message Dan. Sean’s looking around.</p><p>“Where is the server? And where are Dan and Daithi?”</p><p>Kevin bites down hard on a joke about what they used to be doing when they slipped off to the bathroom. Sean is craning his neck around.</p><p>“I’ll just pay the bill so I can leave.”</p><p>“You don’t have to do that,” Kevin says, brow furrowed, staring at his glass.</p><p>“As fun as this night has been,” Sean’s teeth are a little gritted. “I’m drained and I want to leave.”</p><p>“I just meant. You can go.”</p><p><em>“I</em> don’t just bail, Kevin.”</p><p>“I didn’t bail—"</p><p>The server shows up just then to clear the rest of the dishes and Sean quickly asks for the check. He’s fidgeting in his inside pockets and Kevin suddenly realises what an utter disaster this whole thing has been. He lets the glass in his hands hit the table with a thud.</p><p>Sean looks up, sees Kevin staring at him fully for the first time all evening. “What?”</p><p>“I <em>am</em> sorry,” Kevin says, low and earnest.</p><p>Sean feels his cheeks heat and the backs of his eyes tingle, says, “Great,” and goes back to looking for his wallet.</p><p>Kevin reaches out a hand for his arm, but Sean pulls back, snapping his head up, hissing at him, “No, Kevin, you don’t get to do this here, now. I wanted to talk about this six months ago and you just—wouldn’t.”</p><p>Kevin feels himself get defensive, “Now, that’s not true.”</p><p>“Bollocks, it isn’t,” Sean dismisses and extracts his wallet finally, placing it on the table.</p><p>Kevin opens his mouth and suddenly it’s six months ago all over again, having to explain why he doesn’t want out, just not forward, but he doesn’t have the words.</p><p>Sean slides a card into the server book with the check and flags down the server. He’s not looking at Kevin who is scrambling to try to figure out what to say. He somehow feels he can’t just leave it. Not again.</p><p>“Sean, just wait—” he licks his lips and swallows. Sean sighs and glances his way.</p><p>“You have until she gets back, Kevin,” mimicking Kevin’s earlier habit and swirling the dreg of his beer around his glass for something to do with his hands. Kevin breathes deep to steady himself, still not entirely sure what he’s going to say.</p><p>“It’s not that I didn’t want to talk about it. I just didn’t know—still not sure how to say—” Kevin pauses and swallows, trying to think, but his cheeks are getting hot and his tongue feels heavy with want to cry. “I didn’t want out. I just wanted more time, I guess. And I know that’s not really an answer, but I think it’s the best I have. And I’m sorry. I should have fought. For us.”</p><p>Sean’s stopped fiddling and is looking full at Kevin and he can feel his cheeks burning and the tears are back in his throat threatening to choke him.</p><p>Then the server is back, placing the check down with a far too cheerful “have a great night!” before looking at them, realising she may have interrupted.</p><p>Sean blinks rapidly, thanking her, grabbing at the check, doing maths and signing it, and stuffing his card in his wallet. Kevin watches on mildly horrified, that this is it. This was his chance to fix things and he ruined it.</p><p>Sean runs his tongue across his teeth, glancing around at the still very obvious lack of Dan and Daithi. His eyes flicker over to Kevin, who is sitting almost expectantly. This is the farthest he’s ever gotten in expressing himself about what happened. Surely Sean will say…something.</p><p>Sean stands and <em>seems</em> like he wants to say something, looking at Kevin. Then takes a deep breath and says, “Well, tell the lads bye for me. I guess I might see you around this weekend,” and Kevin is already scrambling out of the booth.</p><p>Sean looks mildly sick, “Kevin, please. Can we just—”</p><p>“Sean, we can’t just leave it like this.” Kevin knows he sounds a little desperate but he doesn’t care at this point.</p><p>Sean scoffs and starts walking out, “It’s already been left.”</p><p>“Sean, I—” They walk out onto the sidewalk. It’s busy with summer crowds and they’re jostled together. Sean pulls out his phone, appears to be looking at a map, looks around. “Sean, wait, please—"</p><p>Sean huffs and grabs Kevin by the wrist and drags him sideways away from the restaurant. They wait at a crossing a moment and then Sean surges forward with him as a crowd crosses the street. Kevin notes the Do Not Walk was still very clearly illuminated, but they’re across now and Sean still has his wrist and his heart is thudding in his throat.</p><p>Sean pulls him into a park courtyard between a church and bar. There are memorial benches shaded by scraggly trees scattered about, pruned bushes and secular statues. A few clumps of tourists wander about, but it’s less crowded here.</p><p>Sean lets go of him, and turns to face him. “You wanna talk? More to say?” He seems a bit exhausted by the prospect.</p><p>Kevin is a bit overwhelmed now that the option presents itself. “I just – didn’t want to leave it. Not again.”</p><p>“Not sure what you think is gonna happen here, Kevin.”</p><p>“I don’t think anything.” Kevin says simply.</p><p>Sean snorts, scrubbing his hands across his face. “You’re still Kevin, aren’t you?”</p><p>“Sorry.”</p><p>Sean drops his hands and looks at him, tells him, “Didn’t mean that as a bad thing. Not really.”</p><p>Kevin just stands with his hands at his sides and shrugs.</p><p>Sean sighs and shoves his hands in his pockets. “Seems the conversation is a little pointless now. Not asking for the same things anymore, are we?”</p><p>Kevin cocks his head at him and glances down, considers. “No, but maybe things still need saying.”</p><p>“Like what things?”</p><p>Kevin hesitates slightly, picks an invisible lint on his shirt, looks around them slightly. “Like how I felt. What I wanted.”</p><p>“Which was what, Kevin?” Sean says, a little demanding.</p><p>Kevin twitches slightly and glances around again. “Is there somewhere else we could—”</p><p>Sean scoffs and it sounds a bit bitter. “You wanted to do this. You wanted this conversation.”</p><p>Kevin takes a deep breath. “I know. I just—”</p><p>“Oh, for fucksake, Kevin.”</p><p>Sean walks past him, leaving him standing there. Kevin watches him walk in the door of the bar beside them.</p><p>Kevin feels baffled, hurries across the courtyard and squeezes in the door, past the crush of people starting their weekends early, gazing into the dim lighting and finds Sean seated at the bar, his hoodie off.</p><p>He walks up and stops next to him and Sean is already throwing back a shot, another full one still in front of him. “What are you doing?”</p><p>“What’s it look like?” Sean doesn’t look at him and is picking up the second shot. Kevin frowns.</p><p>“I say one thing you don’t like so you decide to get pissed?”</p><p>“Maybe,” Sean mutters, goes to tip the shot into his mouth but Kevin pulls it easily from his fingers. </p><p>“Fine you wanna get pissed? Let’s get pissed,” and he tips the contents to the back of his throat. Sean is sputtering next to him. The whiskey burns its way down and he catches the eye of the bartender, holding up the shot glass and gesturing the number two.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Sean growls at him, as two more shots get poured in front of him.</p><p>“Drinking,” Kevin responds, curtly. He can feel the alcohol burning away some of the careful words sitting on his tongue, making him feel rasher.</p><p>“Kevin,” Sean starts, sounding lecturing. Kevin rolls his eyes. </p><p>“Oh, you can do it, but I can’t? That it?” Kevin is holding the second shot but the first two are making his head swim a bit and he thinks he should slow somewhat.</p><p>“No, by all means, just don’t be a passive aggressive bitch about it.” Sean does a little gesture with one hand, elbow on the bar. Kevin laughs, but not happily.</p><p>“Right, unlike you, who walked away mid-conversation?”</p><p>“At least I was having the conversation.” Kevin’s eyes and cheeks burn and not from the alcohol. Sean copies Kevin and pulls the shot from his fingers and downs it. “So, we’re somewhere else. What were you gonna say?”</p><p>Kevin’s brows furrow. “Here?”</p><p>“Yes.” Sean is looking at him expectantly, frowning.</p><p>Kevin hesitates, lips parting, can feel the alcohol loosening his tongue. He swallows and wets his lips, then leans in to give them a semblance of privacy.</p><p>“I should have told you how I felt. Which was that I thought we were <em>it</em>. Endgame.”</p><p>Sean pauses a moment, feels his cheeks heat, eyes flickering to Kevin’s and bites his lip. Frowns. “So, you should have just agreed with me, then?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Sean balks, “What?”</p><p>Kevin is shaking his head slightly, “No, that wouldn’t have helped anything either.”</p><p>Sean swivels fully in his seat to face him. “How do you reckon?”</p><p>Kevin opens his mouth and casts around for the right words. Why was alcohol a good idea? “Because—I still thought it was fast. That’s still true.”</p><p>“Oh, for fucksake,” Sean starts to turn away.</p><p>“Sean—" Kevin’s hard moves out toward him, but suddenly Sean is facing him again, looking agitated.</p><p>“We’re talking in circles!”</p><p>“I’m just trying to be—" Kevin starts.</p><p>Sean interrupts. “So, what? You think it was a good thing? What happened?” Sean’s frustrated and tired and he doesn’t want to be sitting here having this conversation if these are the answers.</p><p>Kevin is quickly trying to fix his words. “No, of course not. I already apologized. I—"</p><p>Sean interrupts again. “How can you be sorry for something that you still believe?”</p><p>“I said I’m sorry I didn’t <em>fight</em>. For us. I wanted an us. I still do.” Kevin’s eyes are burning with the truth behind the words, with finally getting them out.</p><p>“You want—?”</p><p>Now that he’s started, the words seem to pour from Kevin. “Never stopped. Of course, I didn’t. It was never that. I just was a gobshite. A scared gobshite. And I’m sorry. And not scared of you or us or anything like that, but just – I dunno. Scared of not being good enough. Scared of making a mess of everything. Like I always do. Which I managed to do anyway.”</p><p>Sean is looking at him hard, stands abruptly and he’s suddenly very close to Kevin, and then moving away and for a heartbeat Kevin is terrified he’s leaving. But Sean grabs his arm and begins to drag him through the crowded bar. He squeezes his way through a group of people, and shoves at a slightly ajar door, pulling Kevin after him.</p><p>Kevin is momentarily blind, then the dim, yellow light of a bathroom wall sconce flicks on, and the lock <em>snicks</em> loudly in Kevin’s ears as Sean locks the door and then Sean’s lips are hard and rough on his, pressing him against the door.</p><p>Kevin gasps against him and it feels like years and no time has passed at all at the same time. Sean’s hands are pushing under his t-shirt and biting at his bottom lip. Kevin’s hands thread through his hair. It’s longer now and he can pull it, eliciting a hiss from Sean into his mouth.</p><p>Sean’s kiss is punishing. He’s pushing a leg between Kevin’s and pressing him hard into the door. Kevin groans loudly into his mouth as a thumb finds his nipple and Sean bites his lip in warning.</p><p>One of Kevin’s hands drops to the back of Sean’s neck and scraps his nails, then begins tugging at the back of Sean’s shirt. Sean pulls back and bats his hand absently, making Kevin whine slightly. He can feel his cheeks flame from the kiss and the whiskey and the look in Sean’s eyes.</p><p>Sean drops his hands back to Kevin’s hips and shove again and he hits the door with another thud. Sean has the audacity to shush him into his ear. But Kevin barely pays it mind as one hand drops to the button on his jeans.</p><p>Sean’s lips are back on his, hard and insistent. One of his hands flick Kevin’s button open, hurriedly pushing down the zip, and shoving inside Kevin’s shorts and Kevin’s moaning around a gasp as Sean takes him in hand roughly.</p><p>Kevin bucks and falls toward him, their teeth clashing. Sean is gripping a little too tightly and stroking a bit furiously and at this rate Kevin isn’t sure how long he will last. Kevin scrambles for the back of Sean's neck and clings, fingers digging in hard enough to bruise. He pulls from the kiss and pants against Sean’s jaw.</p><p>The light on the wall is flickering a little and it’s making Kevin’s head feel foggy. Or maybe that’s the drink. Or maybe it’s all his blood having left his brain. Sean roughly swipes his thumb around the tip and across the slit and Kevin hears his moan turn into a high whine. Sean’s smearing the precum up his length, working him a bit faster.</p><p>It’s a bit embarrassing really; how close he is already. He can feel Sean growling next to his ear as his breath grows shallower and he’s bucking into Sean’s hand, off rhythm now.</p><p>Sean reaches his other hand down and grips his balls tight, growling, “Not yet.”</p><p>Kevin whimpers and his bucking falters, Sean’s stroking becoming agonizingly slow. Kevin murmurs his name into his neck. Sean squeezes him again with a growl, and pulls his hands from him, leaving Kevin gasping.</p><p>He barely has time to register disappointment, before Sean is pulling open his own jeans and sliding them down his thighs, a hand on Kevin’s head, pushing him down. Kevin follows the pressure, knees hitting the floor, and finds himself eye level with Sean’s cock, hard and beginning to leak.</p><p>Sean sees Kevin lick his lips, fists his hand in his hair, then pushes his cock to his mouth. Kevin opens his mouth automatically, moaning as he swallows around him. He wraps his hands around his thighs and pulls himself closer as Sean sets a furious pace. Kevin feels him hit the back of his throat and tries not to gag, saliva filling his mouth as he struggles to swallow down. He grips the backs of Sean’s thighs tighter, his own hips bucking.</p><p>Kevin keeps his mouth slack, his cheeks hollow, some of the spit dribbling down his lips. Sean’s hand in his hair is tight, directing his head, and his other hand hard and flat on the door, his head hung, eyes screwed tight. Kevin moans around him and Sean echoes him. </p><p>He can faintly hear someone beyond the door say, “what the fuck, man,” then Sean speeds up his thrusts slightly and Kevin’s digging his nails into his thighs and bucking into nothing, his own cock pressed uncomfortably into his jeans.</p><p>Sean’s thrusting hard, movements rough and shallow as he gets close, his fingers curling against the doorframe. Kevin knows he’s nearly there, skates a hand down the inside of his thigh then back up, caressing his balls. Fingers slide up his ass, and he slips a finger between his cheeks and presses there. Sean gasps as Kevin pushes a finger just inside and curls it, and Sean chokes around his name, coming hard.</p><p>Kevin wraps his tongue around with a hard pull, keeping him tight, trying to swallow down, but he gags a bit and the cum spills down his chin, into his beard. He lets Sean’s thrusts slow, his own hips shallow thrusting pitifully into the air, still very aroused.</p><p>After a moment, Sean sighs deeply and releases his grip on Kevin’s hair, pressing his hand to his head to soothe. Kevin hums and releases him, licking his lips and wiping a finger under his chin for the cum that dripped, swiping the finger in his mouth too. Looks up to see Sean watching him and grins shyly at him. Sean looks dazed and his cheeks are flushed, hauls him to his feet and kisses him soundly.</p><p>Kevin moans into his mouth, arms wrapping around him, shoving his tongue into his mouth so Sean can taste himself. Sean groans around his tongue and pulls him forward, hands on his ass. Kevin bucks into his hips, cock pressing urgently.</p><p>Sean pulls back and his eyes are dark, and Kevin thinks it’s not totally the dim lighting and the drink. Kevin’s nearly on the verge of asking if he wants another go, because he’ll bend over.</p><p>
  <em>Bang, bang, bang. “You guys finished yet?!”</em>
</p><p>They look at the door, having forgotten they were in a public bathroom—again—then look back at each other, and start giggling in unison.</p><p>“Oops.”</p><p>“Another angry, bathroom incident.”</p><p>They’re leaning on the sink now, in towards each other, and they can hear people grumbling and sighing outside the door,only just audible over the base of the music.</p><p>“Shh, shh,” Sean tells Kevin exaggeratedly through giggles, as he leans him back against the basin. He reaches down and takes him in hand again and Kevin’s laugh turns into a moan that Sean quickly covers with his mouth.</p><p>Sean is gentler this time, but moving quickly. Kevin is panting against his lips, and Sean is trying not to giggle. Kevin grips the sink with one hand, Sean’s hip with the other.</p><p>Sean works steadily, thrusts long and even, swiping his thumb around the tip and rubbing circles. He’s got his face in Kevin’s neck now, smiling, knowing that giggles while you’re trying to get off are a little off putting. Kevin is biting his lip to hold back the moans and breathing hard through his nose.</p><p>Kevin is thrusting more desperately into Sean’s hand and can’t help the moan that turns into a high whine as he gets close. Sean bites his jaw lightly then noses his way back to his ear.</p><p>“Come for me, Kev,” sucking his earlobe into his mouth, hard. Kevin does as he’s told and moans his name into his neck, word slipping from his lips like a well-practiced oath. Sean is still pumping, working him down, rubbing the sensitive spot on his tip, making him twitch.</p><p>Kevin whines and lifts his head just as Sean steps back. Kevin realised belatedly Sean had thrown his hoodie over his hand to take the mess. He stands there boneless and breathing hard for a moment while Sean wipes his hand on the hoodie too, pulling up his jeans.</p><p>Sean looks up at him just as he finishes tucking himself away, and suddenly Kevin feels self-conscious, nearly as much as their first time. Sean clears his throat lightly.</p><p>“We should probably go.” He inclines his head to the door.</p><p>Kevin nods, finding words difficult.</p><p>They exit the bathroom, and someone says, “<em>fucking finally” </em>while someone else says something else decidedly less kind. They squeeze quickly through the crowd and back out the door into the courtyard.</p><p>Kevin takes a deep breath as they pause together.</p><p>“Kevin—”</p><p>“Sean”</p><p>They grin at each other and each gesture to continue. Kevin rubs a nervous finger across his beard and upper lip. Sean’s hand threads in his hair.</p><p>“Listen, Kevin,” Sean starts, and Kevin braces himself. No good begins that way. But Sean presses on. “I don’t know… we still need to work on stuff. I want to talk about this. But I would love to do it after a decent night’s sleep.”</p><p>Kevin’s eyebrows rise. “Work on stuff? Like—?”</p><p>Sean sighs tired but with good humor, “Like us.”</p><p>Kevin grins at him and takes his hand, for a moment not caring who sees. “Alright.”</p><p>“Grand. Now, my room or yours?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Brian is not here, only because I didn’t want to have a fifth person to write. It was solely lazy. No lost love for Brian.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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